Buy a ship and name it relation. Now you have a relationship
.............................................................................
Once a boy was smoking at airport
Girl asked:
1 din me kitny Cigrette peety ho..?
... Boy: Why..?
Girl: Agar ab tak zindgi me cigrete py kharch kiye huy paisy bachaty to samny khari hui BMW car Tumhari hoti.
Boy: Ap cigrete peti hain..?
Girl: No
Boy: To kya wo car apki hy..?
Girl: No
Boy: Thnks 4 advice,
Me cigratte b peta hn or Wo car b meri hi hy.
MORAL:
zada lecture deny sy bisti b ho jati hy :hehehehe
..........................................................................................
*Who's Guilty Here?*
A wife is dreaming in bed, he suddenly wakes up and shouts, "Quick! My husband is home!"
his husband wakes up and jumps out of the window.....;)
............................................................................................
I can't see an end.
I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore.
Definitely time for a new keyboard.
...........................................................................................
A policeman saw a little boy crying.
He approached him & asked: What's the matter boy?
..
..
..
..
..
Boy-Matter is anything that occupies space & has mass.. !!!
...............................................................................
Principal: what u want 2 becom in future?
Student: After studyin MBBS, I want to join Police force n get good job in a good software company n d work as lawyer n construct big buildings n conduct research n d become actor...
Principal: Hey, Wat's ur name?.
.
.
.
.
.
.Student: Rajnikant!! ;-)
...............................................................................
Jald bazi me Shaadi kar k saara jeevan bigaar lo gey,
Wah,Wah.
.
.
Or Soch samaj K karoge to bhi konsa "TEER" maar lo gay
............................................................................
A New Added element to the Periodic Table.
Element Name:GIRL
Symbol: G
Atomic Weight:dont even dare to ask :-D
Physical Properties..
*boils at anything
*can freeze at anytime
*melts if handled wid love n care
*very bitter if mis handled
Chemical Properties.
*very reactive
*highly unstable
*posses strong affinity for gold n silver
*money reducing agent
*volatile when left alone !
..............................................................................
UNKNWN CAL
HE:do u hv a bf?
SHE:yes! who r u?
HE: tera bhai..ruk kamini ghar ata hun dhulai karne!
ANoTHR UNKNWN CAL
HE:do u hv a bf?
SHE: oh no no! who r u?
HE: m ur bf, cheat u brok Ma hrt!
SHE: oh darlng sory i thot u r my brothr!
HE: tera bhai hi hun kamini..aaj toh bus ghar ane ki der hai..!!!
...................................................................................
A Question was asked in an IQ test
"If you are married to one of the twin sister how could You identify Your wife??"
.
.
A brilliant answer came out
.
.
.
.
Ans-WHY SHOULD I ?!! :P
........................................................................
A Person who
Never smoked,
No affair,
No girlfrnd,
No flirt,
When he died..
LIC refused claim
Bcoz
Jo JIYA hi nahi.!!
Wo mra kaise??? :P
........................................................................
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... he went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What r u doing...?"
Sardar said- B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar
...........................................................................
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in
his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d car he was driving..
.......................................................................................When one speaks, everyone listen is called
"Shoksabha"
& when everyone speaks, but no one listen is called...
.
.
.
.
"Loksabha"
........................................................................................
Many doctors were dancing on d beach during ganpati visarjan
.
A person asked y u all doctors r dancing ?
.
They replied
.
WE SURGEON
WE SURGEON:p
......................................................................................................
How to Kill An ANT!!....?
Asked in exam for 15marks.....
Student:-Mix chilli powder with sugar nd keep it near ant's hole....
After eating,ant will search 4water, near water tank,
push ant into it!
Now ant will go to dry itself near fire.....
When it reaches near fire,put a bomb into fire...
Then u admit wounded ant in ICU...
Remove oxygen mask frm its mouth nd kill d ant........
Dont mess with students...
They will kill ANT for 15marks also.
..................................................................................................................
Two Terrorists having discussion in a bar.
The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?
Terrorist: We are planing to kill 14 thousand people & a donkey..
Waiter: why a donkey?
.
.
.
.
Then one terrorist tells the other.
"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people
..............................................................................................................................
If ur world is spining Round
&
Round..
& Round....
Ur heart is beating fast ,
do u think its LOVE?
na Munna na its called high B/P.
.............................................................................
What is self insult ?
An angry boss:
Tumne kabhi GADHA dekha hai ?
Employee (head bent down):
No sir
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho?
Look At ME..!! =))
......................................................................................................................
Son: Papa Kya Hum Aeroplane Se BhgwanKe Paas Ja Sakty Hain?
Father: My Son!
Hum Car Se Bhi Ja Sakty Hain Agar Car Aapki Mom Drive Karen Toh..
.........................................................................................................
Tom Cruise: Mera Ghar Itna Bada Hai
ke Usme Local Train Chalti Hai
.
.
.
Rajnikant: Mere Ghar Ke Kone Mai
Mobile Par Roaming Charge Lagta Ha
........................................................................................................................
Ultimate insult-
.
.
.Teacher to student:
jo doosre ko apni baat na samjha sake woh gadha hotahai…..
.
.
Student:
.
.
.
Sir, kya Matlab main samjha nahi….??
students rocks ;)
.................................................................................................................................
Kabir v/s Software en'G'ineer
Kabir:-
"Aisi baani boliye, mann ka aapa khoye..
Auron ko sheetal kare, aaphi sheetal hoye"
Software en'G'ineer:-
"Aisa presentation dijiye, mann ka aapa khoye,
Auron ko confuse kare, aaphi confuse hoye"
Kabir:-
"Dheere dheere re mana, dheere sab kuch hoye..
Maali seenche sow ghara, ritu aaye phal hoye"
Software en'G'ineer:-
"Dheere dheere re project leader, dheere project execute hoye..
Client dikhaye kitni bhi urgency, release deadline ke baad hi hoye"
Kabir:-
"Pothhi padh padh jag mooya, pandit bhaya na koye,
Dhai aakhar prem ka, padhe so pandit hoye"
Software en'G'ineer:-
Coding kar kar jag mooya, programmer bhaya na koye,
Do shabd copy-paste ke kare, so programmer hoye" ;) xP
" Bas isi saakh pe apni ye jang zari hai ,
Jahna bhi aag dikhayi de wo hamari hai .
.............................................................................
Once a boy was smoking at airport
Girl asked:
1 din me kitny Cigrette peety ho..?
... Boy: Why..?
Girl: Agar ab tak zindgi me cigrete py kharch kiye huy paisy bachaty to samny khari hui BMW car Tumhari hoti.
Boy: Ap cigrete peti hain..?
Girl: No
Boy: To kya wo car apki hy..?
Girl: No
Boy: Thnks 4 advice,
Me cigratte b peta hn or Wo car b meri hi hy.
MORAL:
zada lecture deny sy bisti b ho jati hy :hehehehe
..........................................................................................
*Who's Guilty Here?*
A wife is dreaming in bed, he suddenly wakes up and shouts, "Quick! My husband is home!"
his husband wakes up and jumps out of the window.....;)
............................................................................................
I can't see an end.
I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore.
Definitely time for a new keyboard.
...........................................................................................
A policeman saw a little boy crying.
He approached him & asked: What's the matter boy?
..
..
..
..
..
Boy-Matter is anything that occupies space & has mass.. !!!
...............................................................................
Principal: what u want 2 becom in future?
Student: After studyin MBBS, I want to join Police force n get good job in a good software company n d work as lawyer n construct big buildings n conduct research n d become actor...
Principal: Hey, Wat's ur name?.
.
.
.
.
.
.Student: Rajnikant!! ;-)
...............................................................................
Jald bazi me Shaadi kar k saara jeevan bigaar lo gey,
Wah,Wah.
.
.
Or Soch samaj K karoge to bhi konsa "TEER" maar lo gay
............................................................................
A New Added element to the Periodic Table.
Element Name:GIRL
Symbol: G
Atomic Weight:dont even dare to ask :-D
Physical Properties..
*boils at anything
*can freeze at anytime
*melts if handled wid love n care
*very bitter if mis handled
Chemical Properties.
*very reactive
*highly unstable
*posses strong affinity for gold n silver
*money reducing agent
*volatile when left alone !
..............................................................................
UNKNWN CAL
HE:do u hv a bf?
SHE:yes! who r u?
HE: tera bhai..ruk kamini ghar ata hun dhulai karne!
ANoTHR UNKNWN CAL
HE:do u hv a bf?
SHE: oh no no! who r u?
HE: m ur bf, cheat u brok Ma hrt!
SHE: oh darlng sory i thot u r my brothr!
HE: tera bhai hi hun kamini..aaj toh bus ghar ane ki der hai..!!!
...................................................................................
A Question was asked in an IQ test
"If you are married to one of the twin sister how could You identify Your wife??"
.
.
A brilliant answer came out
.
.
.
.
Ans-WHY SHOULD I ?!! :P
........................................................................
A Person who
Never smoked,
No affair,
No girlfrnd,
No flirt,
When he died..
LIC refused claim
Bcoz
Jo JIYA hi nahi.!!
Wo mra kaise??? :P
........................................................................
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... he went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What r u doing...?"
Sardar said- B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar
...........................................................................
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in
his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d car he was driving..
.......................................................................................When one speaks, everyone listen is called
"Shoksabha"
& when everyone speaks, but no one listen is called...
.
.
.
.
"Loksabha"
........................................................................................
Many doctors were dancing on d beach during ganpati visarjan
.
A person asked y u all doctors r dancing ?
.
They replied
.
WE SURGEON
WE SURGEON:p
......................................................................................................
How to Kill An ANT!!....?
Asked in exam for 15marks.....
Student:-Mix chilli powder with sugar nd keep it near ant's hole....
After eating,ant will search 4water, near water tank,
push ant into it!
Now ant will go to dry itself near fire.....
When it reaches near fire,put a bomb into fire...
Then u admit wounded ant in ICU...
Remove oxygen mask frm its mouth nd kill d ant........
Dont mess with students...
They will kill ANT for 15marks also.
..................................................................................................................
Two Terrorists having discussion in a bar.
The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?
Terrorist: We are planing to kill 14 thousand people & a donkey..
Waiter: why a donkey?
.
.
.
.
Then one terrorist tells the other.
"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people
..............................................................................................................................
If ur world is spining Round
&
Round..
& Round....
Ur heart is beating fast ,
do u think its LOVE?
na Munna na its called high B/P.
.............................................................................
What is self insult ?
An angry boss:
Tumne kabhi GADHA dekha hai ?
Employee (head bent down):
No sir
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho?
Look At ME..!! =))
......................................................................................................................
Son: Papa Kya Hum Aeroplane Se BhgwanKe Paas Ja Sakty Hain?
Father: My Son!
Hum Car Se Bhi Ja Sakty Hain Agar Car Aapki Mom Drive Karen Toh..
.........................................................................................................
Tom Cruise: Mera Ghar Itna Bada Hai
ke Usme Local Train Chalti Hai
.
.
.
Rajnikant: Mere Ghar Ke Kone Mai
Mobile Par Roaming Charge Lagta Ha
........................................................................................................................
Ultimate insult-
.
.
.Teacher to student:
jo doosre ko apni baat na samjha sake woh gadha hotahai…..
.
.
Student:
.
.
.
Sir, kya Matlab main samjha nahi….??
students rocks ;)
.................................................................................................................................
Kabir v/s Software en'G'ineer
Kabir:-
"Aisi baani boliye, mann ka aapa khoye..
Auron ko sheetal kare, aaphi sheetal hoye"
Software en'G'ineer:-
"Aisa presentation dijiye, mann ka aapa khoye,
Auron ko confuse kare, aaphi confuse hoye"
Kabir:-
"Dheere dheere re mana, dheere sab kuch hoye..
Maali seenche sow ghara, ritu aaye phal hoye"
Software en'G'ineer:-
"Dheere dheere re project leader, dheere project execute hoye..
Client dikhaye kitni bhi urgency, release deadline ke baad hi hoye"
Kabir:-
"Pothhi padh padh jag mooya, pandit bhaya na koye,
Dhai aakhar prem ka, padhe so pandit hoye"
Software en'G'ineer:-
Coding kar kar jag mooya, programmer bhaya na koye,
Do shabd copy-paste ke kare, so programmer hoye" ;) xP
" Bas isi saakh pe apni ye jang zari hai ,
Jahna bhi aag dikhayi de wo hamari hai .
..........................................................................................................................
Boss : I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs 20000,is it OK?
X: U r great sir.... Starting salary is OK but How much is DRIVING salary ???
................................................................................................................................
1.Do you feel lazy to get up early in the morning ?
2.Does a book work as a sleeping pill?
3.Attend classes only for attendance?
4.see the calendar for holidays ?
5.Use cell phone in place of a pen ?
If the above is happening to you then. .
congratulations!
U r perfectly a normal student..;-)
.............................................................................................................................
I am Looking for a Bank which can perform
Two things for me :/:/
.
.
.
.
.
Give me a Loan,
& then
Leave me aLone...:D
..................................................................................................................
KID :- Why some of ur hair are white dad ?
DAD : - Every time you make me unhappy ,
one of my hair turns white .....
... ... KID :- Now understand why grandpa's hairs are all white .....
.
.
Moral :- Don't be over smart ..
............................................................................................................................
COLLEGE LIFE of All Students :)
---> One side love..
---> Silent mode mobiles..
---> Bus stand comedies..
---> Escape from Seminars..
---> Boring Last lectures ..
---> Birthday treats..
---> Last minute preparation..
---> Overnight study for next day's Exam..
---> Friend's family functions..
---> Eager wait for feb14..
---> Shortage of pocket money &attendnce. :D
...........................................................................................................................
Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo
Sincerely, Customer Care,,
:/ :/ :O
...................................................................................................................................
There’s a small gap between confidence and over-confidence .
You can kiss your girlfriend is Confidence.
Only you can kiss your girlfriend is Over-Confidence . :P
....................................................................................................................................................
People often talk about Rajnikant, but they forget about the antics and dialogues of our great Mithun da ..
Here are some amazing dialogues from Mithun da’s films. Enjoy !!!!
`
” Bheegi hui cigarette kabhi jal nahi sakti…..
aur yeh tay hai ki teri maut ki taarikh tal nahi sakti ”
`
“Apuun ka naam hai HEERA,
Apuun ne sab ko Cheera…” (wah wah…..)
`
shetty: “kaun hai be tu?”
Mithun da says-
“Mai hoon tum jaise logon se nafarat karne wala,
Garibon ke liye jyoti, Gundon ke liye jwala
tuze banake maut ka Ek niwala,
tere sine mein gaad dunga mai maut ka bhala.
Mila doonga yamraj se tere ko salaaaa.” (what a poetry!!!!!)
`
” kyunki ab mein Indrajeet nahi……chandaal hoon
tum chaho toh mera program note karlo
…tum sab meri diary mein mar chuke ho!
mein chahoo toh tum sabko abhi mar sakta hoon
magar abhi maarne se tumhe maarne ka credit meri bullet ko mil jayega!!!! ”
(kya logic hai!!!!!!!! !,superb! )
`
” Main hoon Do Numbri, ek se jyaada, teen se kam
Dikhne mein bevda, bhaagne mein ghoda, aur maarne mein hathoda …. ” ( amazing )
`
” Jitani tumane saanse li hongi, usase jyaada maine lashein girayi hai
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ??????? )
`
Mantriji:- “Ye kanch bullretproof hai. tum mujhe chu bhi nahi sakte”
Mithun Da:-”Ye kanch bulletproof hai magar patthhar proof nahi”
AND HE BREAKS IT BY THROWING STONES ON THE GLASS.
`
And the best one…………….
Mithun da gets a bullet on his leg, Looks at the villain scornfully, calmly stands up and says-
“DUSHMANO KI LAASHON PAR BHANGRA KARNE WALA KABHI LANGDA NAHIN HO SAKTA”
” Koi Shaq..?
..................................................................................................................................................................
"Are You Single?"
"No, I`m Plural."
"No, I mean, are you free this friday?"
"No, I`m expensive!" :
...........................................................................................................................................................
Dear Heart
.
.
.
.
Please stop breaking....
u aren't made in china.....! :D
...................................................................................................................................................................Boy 2 girl before exam: Hey all the best,
Girl also told d same.
But girl scored 80 % marks and boy got 50 %
Moral:
... .
.
.
.Only boys wish with true heart. lol :)
...........................................................................................................................................................
Boyfriend: Main Tujhe Kab Call karun???
Girlfriend: Jab Tum Chaho Tab.. =D
BF: Kal Main ne Call kiya tha..!!
GF: Acha.. Par Utni jaldi nahi Uthti Main.. =)
BF: Hmm.. To Main kal 11 Baje Call Karunga ?!
GF: Nahi, tab to Papa Ghar pehonge.. =/
BF: To 3 Baje Call Karta hoon.. =)
GF: Nahi, tab to Lunch ka Time hoga Na.. =
BF: To phir 5 Baje???
GF: Nahi, Tab to favrite Serial dekh rahi Huungi.. =
BF: To Raat ko Call karuga..??
GF: Nahi, Raat ko sab Vaapas Ghar hote Hain.. =|
BF: To Main Aakhir Call kab karun ??? =( =/
GF: Jab Tum Chaho Tab.. =P=D
.......................................................................................................................................................
A Psychology Profsr askd his stdnts:"How R U Goin 2 make me Believe dat dis chair in Front of U is Invisible?"
The Ans by a genius was:
"WHICH CHAIR?
......................................................................................................................................................
1990 me 1American Bank Ne"BILL GATES" ka 2 lac doller
ka Loan reject
kia tha,
2001 me
"BILL GATES"
ne us bank ko khareed liya tha.
0R
Aaj 07-02-2012 U Fune walon ne mera loan reject kya hy or wo b ten Rupees ka.
U just wait n watch. . .
(',')
<))>
_/ /_
Na Na Mafi ka to sawal hi paida nhi hota
.....................................................................................................................................................
Ye Degree B Le Lo,
Ye Naukri Bi Le Lo.
Bhalay Cheen Lo Mujhse Meri Jawani.
Mgar Mujhko Luta Do Wo Skool Ki Canteen, Wo Break Time, Wo Chutti, Wo Dosti, Wo Yari... Kari Thandh Me Apne Ghar Se Nikalna.
Wo Project Ki Khatir Sheher Bhar Bhatakna.Wo Lecture Me Doston Ki Proxy Lgana.. Wo Miss Ko Chirana, Wo Aeroplanes Urana..Wo Exams Ki Raaton Ko Jgna Jagana.Wo Orals Ki Kahani, Wo Practicles Ka Kissa.
.
Bemari Ki Application Ka Wahid Bahana.Wo Xam K Din Bechain Mahol.Wo Result K Din Peron Ka Jhatptana.Wo Maa Ki Duain,Wo Teachers Ka Bharosa.
Yaron K Sath Wo Lambi Si Raatein.Wo Doston Se Canteen Me Pyari Si Batein.
Wo Har Ek Din Ka Larna Jhagarna.
Wo Larkion Ka Yunhi Hamsha Akdhna.Bhula Nahi Skhta Hai Koi.
Wo Skol,Wo Teachrs,Wo Shrartein, Wo Kahani :'(
........................................................................
I hope You Enjoy all Jokes If u have some good Jokes you can submit it on our facebook page, like and share please.Next joke collection appear on site soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment